Essays on Grief - My Child is My Guardian Angel

Here are my musing on my wonderful son, Henry. He died 12/26/20 from a seizure. He was medically complex throughout his life. He was 22 - DOB 2/6/1998. He was a total Aquarian and over thinker. Henry was very spiritual. When he was 18 months old we went to my husband’s family cemetery. Henry ran away from me and I said “Baby, come back over here”. He responded “No Mommy. I’m playing with these angels!”  He was on my husband’s aunt’s grave! For the 6 months before he died, he talked about his death a lot. He was NOT expected to die. I always said “Baby you aren’t going to die any time soon. But when you die, you will be fine. You’ll be in Heaven.”  He always said “I know Mom. But what about you?” I told him I would be sad. So many people would be sad but I would be okay. I’m working on that.  Two days after he died I went on a run. I usually pray and meditate while running. I talked to Henry and told him I needed a sign. I reminded him that my dad’s sign is a yellow butterfly so maybe he would want a monarch butterfly but I added “But whatever you want. It’s your choice”. I got home and went inside. I saw his MacBook on the coffee table. It had been put up. I asked my husband and other son. No one moved it!!!! I said “Henry - your sign cannot be Apple products!!!”  I went in the backyard and sat in my hammock. I heard something and turned and a Monarch butterfly was behind me! In December. It flew around the plants and I took a photo. Then it flew over his service dog and around my hammock and then flew off! I know it was him. We have had so many other signs from him. Often monarchs but sometimes other creative signs. He was so smart and creative and he is the same as an angel. I am documenting my grief journey through daily journal entries on FB. So many people have had Henry sightings and have shared them with me. I think many people are becoming more spiritual because of him! I’m so honored I am his mom!